Jason Reeves.

I love this man so much.
I cry at the sound of his voice..

Good Day.

Applebees is in love with lemons.
lemons.. really?
I understand the lemons in the tea, but LEMONS ON MY FRIES?!
What the heck.


Today I hung out with my sister, for most of the day. We haven't had a day out in a long time. We went to applebees and had a great time making fun of the lemons and the waitress. The waitress brought out our to go boxes and saw that my plate was empty and yet she still asks "Are you done with that?" ... uh no. I would like to eat the decorative paper.
Then we went to the mills and had an awesome time there. While my sister is trying on clothes I'm just looking at stuff minding my own business. This big black man walks by and looks at me and says, "You got a boyfriend?". I say yes and walk away really fast. Why is it that I can only attract big black men and old creepers?
As we are leaving the store this really cute sales guy starts talking to us and my sister gets suckered into buying a straightener. The guy was really cute okay? AND he had an accent.. *sigh*.

Once we are out in the parking lot... I forget where I parked the car. So we are just running around the parking lot and laughing the entire time.
Man, I love my sister.
:]

twenty-ten.

2010 will be a big year for me.
I'm leaving home, and heading on to college.

BRING IT ON.








wait... am I ready for this?

I hate Finals.

With a passion.

I just took my AP Chemistry final.
It kicked my butt.

HARD.

Blue Like Jazz.

My favorite book, well one of them. Both of my favorite books are by Donald Miller (if that says anything). Blue Like Jazz is a book of nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality.

This book was recommended by my friend Josie, and it was the foundation for my spiritual faith. Well, I grew up in a Christian home, and I knew all of the basics of Christianity. There came a time when I had to question myself, "Is this really what I believe? Or is it just what I've been raised in?". Blue Like Jazz was one of the main contributing factors, so I hold this book very high.

Tonight I gave it to one of my friends. I wrote on the inside cover, "Merry Christmas, Now you have to read it", and I put a nice little smiley face so he knew I was just giving him a hard time. He's been saying, Yeah I need to read that book... Well I gave it to him.

I just hope that the words sink in and he takes something from it. I hope it gives him the answers that I can't.

Silent Night.

This evening I went caroling with a youth group I'm now in. We went to a rehabilitation center in Jerseyville to sing Christmas songs to the elderly people there. A lot of the residents couldn't leave their rooms to come listen so as we are leaving we sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" down the halls.

We're almost to the end of the hall and a woman, and what looked like her son, came to us. The woman said, "Can I ask you guys a big favor? Will you sing Silent Night to my mom in room 415?" She began to cry and her son puts his arm around her. We say, "Of course we will." All 14 of us walk in and the room is filled with people surrounding a bed. There was a man sitting right beside the bed who was holding her hand and never took his eyes off of the woman in the bed.

We begin to sing; the people begin to cry. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. I teared up too, and I didn't even know these people. We finished our song and the woman walks to us and says, "Thank you so much. This is her last Christmas, and this is the last song we wanted her to hear."

Wow.
We were there at the oppurtune moment, to give this lady who will soon pass her final song, and what a wonderful song for the moment. God really used us tonight. I'll never forget this.

Water For Schools.

For a while now I've been like "Man I really want to do something to help in the water crisis." I found a charity that is called Charity: Water, and they have a program where your school (along with 3 other schools) raise money to put proper sanitation and clean water in a school in Africa.

I fiddled around with the idea for a while, and I finally went to talk to my principal about getting it started. He really liked the idea and thought that it could work. First step: Check. Now the superintendent has to say yes, and I might have to present something to the school board (bleck).

Anyway, I am SO EXCITED for this. Josie and I have already been thinking up ideas to fundraise. This thing is a semester long project and the goal is $5,000.

So if all goes well, I will find out early-mid January if I can do this or not.
I'll keep you posted.
:]

Wow..

So I entered an online photo contest with "Boulevard of Photographers" about a month ago just for the fun of it. (it was free!) I didn't expect anything to come of it, considering I didn't even know the details.

I get an email today saying
Megan,
Your photo "Fall Trail" has been selected to be published in our 2009 manuscript. You are a final contestant and you are in the running for $6,500 and will receive an invititation in the mail for Global Photographers Convention.

WHAT?!
I didn't think this was legit and then I go to the site and it's got mailing orders and all this for this book they publish once a year. I look it up and it's real stuff man.

Wouldn't that be amazing if I won the $6,500???
holy poop.

I have a hard time

actually posting what I write.

Will you?

Will you remember me when I'm not there everyday?
I know I'll remember you.

Don't Worry.

You can say Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not going to throw a fit about it.

Let's take a minute, you sit right there.

One in eight people on the planet don't have access to clean, safe drinking water.

I want to help them.
Read this story:

Driving down a bumpy road in the middle of Northern Uganda, we kick up dust as we head into the rural countryside. I’m traveling with teams from two other non-profit organizations to evaluate the work of our shared local partner, Joy Drilling, which drills wells and trains communities in sanitation and hygiene. Before piling in, I made a last-minute decision to jump into the truck’s flatbed. The Ugandan drilling crew looked stunned that I’d do such a thing, but I didn’t care. I was happy to suffer a little dust for the view.

I have a pretty incredible job. As charity: water’s Water Project Manager, I travel to some of the most desperate places on earth in search of clean water. And while the landscape changes, there’s always one thing that remains the same: the women are always walking. Whether I’m trekking the mountains of Haiti, taking cover from a rainstorm in rural Liberia or tramping through the jungles of Central African Republic, the women are always carrying water.

From my vantage point in the truck, I watch women gather up their children and move to the edge of the road to let us pass. Their feet are gnarled and calloused: a result of thousands of miles walked barefoot over rocks and mud. With babies strapped to their backs, their brightly colored skirts sway and their knees quiver, bracing under the weight of water and children. Most balance pails on their heads, while some grip 80 pounds of water with sweaty palms, a bright yellow five-gallon Jerry Can in each hand.I’m in awe of how they manage. But of course, they have no choice. The average woman in Africa walks three miles every day for water. Often, it’s water from putrid rivers or disease-infested swamps. Worldwide, women are more than twice as likely as men to collect drinking water.

Without warning, we suddenly swerve off the road and up over an embankment. Dried corn stalks thump against the side of the truck as we plow through a field. My knuckles are white as I try to hold on and not bounce out.

Moments later, we find ourselves in a clearing — and in the middle of a huge celebration. Esther, our photographer, pokes her head out the window, smiles, and yells back at me, “Looks like our mission’s been compromised!” I usually prefer to surprise communities by our arrival because it makes it easier to monitor how our water points are functioning without hundreds of people watching. But once you visit a few communities in the neighborhood, rumors of your presence spread like wildfire.We jump out of the truck and walk into a party. The women meet us with exuberant cheering and dancing. Pure and loud joy rocks the village.
* * *
This is when I meet Helen Apio. While most women hang back politely, Helen jumps toward me and screams two inches from my face. Technically, it’s singing. But the high-pitched shrieking is so loud and reverberates with such energy and emotion, I know I have to talk with her.

She tells me about the new fresh water well in her village.

“I am happy now,” Helen beams. “I have time to eat, my children can go to school. And I can even work in my garden, take a shower and then come back for more water if I want! I am bathing so well.”

A few of the men chuckle to hear a woman talk about bathing but all I notice is Helen’s glowing face, the fresh flowers in her hair, and the lovely green dress she wears for special occasions. Touching her forearm, I reply, “Well, you look great.”

“Yes,” she pauses. Placing both hands on my shoulders and smiling, she says, “Now, I am beautiful.”

That really hits me.

My job is to focus on sustainable development, health, hygiene and sanitation; to make sure charity: water’s projects are working in 20 years. But nowhere on any of my surveys or evaluations is there a place to write, “Today we made someone feel beautiful.”

How Helen became beautiful is the real story.

Before she had clean water, she would wake up before dawn, clutch a five-gallon Jerry Can in each hand, and walk almost a mile and a half to the nearest water point, which happened to be at a school. Because there simply wasn’t enough water for the area’s population, she’d wait in line with hundreds of other women who also valued clean water. Helen’s only other option was to skip the wait and collect contaminated water from a pond.

Helen spent most of her day walking and waiting. She told me she’d say to herself every day, “How should I use this water today? Should I water my garden so we can grow food? Should I wash my children’s uniforms? Should I use it to cook a meal? Should we drink this water?” With two children, one husband and 10 gallons, Helen had to make choices.

I see the shame in her eyes as today she describes how she used to return from her long trek to find her two young children waiting for her. They were often sent home from school because their uniforms were dirty. Helen just never had enough water.

I see now why she is so eager to scream out her joy and gratitude. She wants me to understand that this gift from charity: water is real. With the new well in her village, her life has been transformed. She now has choices; time, options, freedom. Also, Helen has been chosen to be her community’s Water Committee Treasurer; she collects nominal fees from 51 households to use for the maintenance of their well. Water Committees are often the first time women are ever elected to leadership positions in villages.

Last month, Helen was standing in line waiting for water.

This month, she’s standing up for her community. And now, she is beautiful.

— Becky Straw, charity: water


I CAN'T WAIT TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

www.charitywater.org

Ramblings.

I sat outside last night, around a fire, by myself, for an hour and a half before Josie and Ben came over.
It was nice.
I had time to actually think. Usually I'm too busy to focus on what's going on in my own head. I've been putting that nagging little voice in the far corners of my head so I won't have to hear it. Though it's still there. No matter how much I want to forget it and let go I can't. I think we all have that though. We all have a "nagging little voice" in our heads that's saying LISTEN TO ME! ... but who really does?

I listened to that little voice last night.
I realized that I'm living a life I don't want.
When was the last time I picked up my camera?! I don't remember! What the heck have I been doing? I've been focusing on my friends. I've been focusing on school. I've been focusing on my future and where I want it to lead.
I am here on this earth for a purpose, and that's photography and missions. I don't know when that will happen and I don't know how it will happen. I just know it will. I'll make it happen.

So where's my heart been lately?
I don't know. Recently I've had one emotion. Longing and desire.
Longing and desire for someone who doesn't want to be with me.
Longing and desire to fulfill my dreams of missions work.
Longing and desire to get back to God where I should be.

I want romance! I want someone to look at me and believe in me and see me.
"I want to love and be loved and not just that romantic kind either."
but mostly that romantic kind.
I see people together all the time, and I want that so bad.

What's Wrong?

For the past couple days that's all I've been hearing.
People asking me, "What's wrong?" or "Are you sure you are okay?"

I say yes, but I'm not.
The scariest thing is, I don't know what is wrong with me.
It's a weird state I'm in.

I need to take a moment..

and figure out where I'm at and what's important to me.
All I know is that I love and I live.
I have given my life to something bigger than myself.
I have a passion for music and photography.
I would give anything to take a year off and live somewhere out of contact, only with my camera and my guitar, and "build a relationship with nature" (as Ms. Gaffney would say).


Someday I'll do it, but until then I'll make the best of what I have here and that's people who love me.
I've got family who tries their best, and has shown me more love than anyone I know.
I don't have a broken family.
I've got friends who actually care about me, and I care about them. I know what real friendship is.
That will never leave me.

Then there's this.
I've got a house to come home to.
I've got food to eat whenever I need it.
I've got sanitary water.
I don't have to worry about the risk of being sold to a man in his 40s or even 60s.
I don't have to worry about not getting an education.
I don't have to worry about being killed for my beliefs.

I'd risk all of this.
I want to show the world love.
I've realized that I've been called to be a missionary.

Stop and Breathe.

I had a whole blog wrote out.
But I don't think I'm ready for that just yet.

Wishing Weed.

"I'm never gonna get over you. Not 'cuz I can't, 'cuz I don't want to."

Will I ever let these feelings go?
I choose not to act on these feelings.. but they're still here haunting me.
I see them everyday together and it tears me apart everytime.

Will you ever realize that I've always been here waiting for you?


I think I'll always love you.

Mr. D

On Monday of last week one of the most inspiring teachers I have ever known was suspended for a week, because he brought in an article for his students to read. This article was about animals and their homosexual tendencies which is fact, not a controversial issue. The article was an optional assignment and if a student didn't want to read it, he/she was not forced to. The article's opening paragraph was graphic, yes, but this was just the so called "attention getter". This was in no means something to get suspended over. A parent called the board and complained about this article which resulted in his suspension.

Here's the link to the article:
http://seedmagazine.com/content/article/the_gay_animal_kingdom/

Last night was the board meeting to decide whether or not Mr. DeLong got to keep his job. The meeting started at 6 and I got there around 5:30ish. There was already a heck of alot of people there. Throughout the next half hour more people began showing up. The door opened and about 80 to 90 people crammed in the little room to hear the meeting. The members came in and called the meeting to session and asked for executive session and made us all leave the room. At this point I'd say there was atleast 100 students there. News Channels 2 and 5 were there interviewing everyone and it was pretty chaotic.
Everyone sat outside the building freezing their butts off until about 7:30 when we were informed that we could only have 1 speaker for all of us for public comment. We chose our speaker and then we sat outside until 10:30. I'm telling you what, the board members drug this meeting on sooo long. Everyone was so cold and so hungry but refused to leave. I went home and grabbed blankets and food for the people around me who were still there.
After we finally got to speak and everything they called us back in at 12:30.
seriously from 6:30 to 12:30 we all sat outside the building in support for Mr. DeLong.

Here's the link to the newstory:
http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=188783

Mr.DeLong is by far my favorite teacher, I have learned so much from him and not just about english. I learned about life, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to educate me. Today as I'm walking down the hall on my way to lunch he is at his door once again and he looks and smiles and says "Hey Megan!" I could tell he was so happy to be back. I almost began to cry. Everyday that man is in the hallway offering a greeting and smile to anyone and everyone. Even if you weren't in his class.
He has inspired so many people, I know he changed my life.

life.

Happy (day after) Halloween!

I've never really been a fan of Halloween, I participate but don't anticipate it every year I guess you could say. I'm not into all that freaky stuff. Although I went to a haunted house this year, and I have watched 2 scary movies in the past 2 days so I'm doing good. I think I've gotten my fill of Halloween. My plan was to be Barium for Halloween, it came to me while I was sitting in AP Chem. For those of you who don't know what the chemical symbol for Barium is... It's Ba. That's right. B.A. ....
I thought it was clever.
Although I never got around to making the costume so I just told everyone about the idea. haha.

This year was my last year marching in the Alton Halloween parade, thank God. The bus gets to Alton and I get on the trailer to get my instrument and thought someone was being stupid and moved my instrument or something. To my surprise- no. I had FORGOTTEN my instrument at the school. So I marched in the parade without an instrument. I heard people on the sides saying, "Hey look! I bet that girl forgot her instrument!" Needless to say... I stuck out like a sore thumb.
Then I hear "Go southwestern!"I look over and this man looked familiar but I couldn't place him and then he yells, "GO CAMP BUNN!" He was a scoutmaster for one of the troops at camp, and recognized me. It made me smile :D.

Today I got to hang with my best friend. :D
We hadn't gotten to hang out in a while just by ourselves so that was nice. We had a black guy hit on us in McDonalds, we took pictures, but we had one downfall. OUR SPOT WAS BEING TORN DOWN. Or so it seems. It was closed down for construction and it looks like they are tearing it down. I am devastated. Those crapsticks.

This evening I got to hang out with another one of my best friends that I haven't gotten to hang out with by ourselves since school started. We sat around a fire in my backyard. We expressed our feelings of college and for once, she let her guard down and told me she was scared. I really learned alot more about her than I have in a long time.


It's nice to just sit back and realize the people you have in your life. The people who make your life as great as it is. I'm so grateful for the people around me. I took pictures to my friend Hannah today and got to talking to her, and it was about 45 minutes before I looked at the clock again. It's nice just talking, listening, really toning into what people have to say. Where people are going, and where they've been.

Psychology!

I'm at school! On blogger! WOOOOOOOOT!

I'm sitting next to Miss Jennifer and Miss Ciara.
I'm such a rebel.
I'm using the computer for something NOT educational. In your face Mrs. Childress.

Okay, so get this. We had to fill out an assignment on death and dying. It was quite morbid... It was asking things about what we would do if we had one day to live, blah blah blah. Then the question "What would your epitaph say?..." Mine said "This is just the beginning" but then Jennifers says.. "Don't step on me." Oh Jennifer.
I love psychology class.

yay.

Greenville.

I want to be there right now.
bad.

I can't wait for college, everyone seems awesome there.
Seeing as how I would fit in with the awesomeness just fine, I should be there now. :D

My only fear is getting a creeper for a roomate.
*shudder*

YES!

I'm seeing progress, I'm seeing change, I'm seeing her want change.
My friend, whom I have been talking about witnessing to is beginning to change.

We went to church tonight and she said, "I don't know why I don't go on Sunday morning." So I offered her a ride on Sundays, and now she's going! She used to go with me on Sunday mornings, but then we stopped going to that one church.
The best part...
She asked me to pray with her. We sat on my bed, held hands together, and I prayed aloud with her for all the things she requested (one of them being for her to become closer to God) YES!

I'm so happy, I'm seeing the seed that I planted begin to flourish.

Love. Trust. Adoration.

I had a life-changing morning.
No lie.

We had a guest speaker at church this morning. Her and her husband came from Louisville, Kentucky to speak to us. Well I wasn't really all too impressed with her at first because I didn't like her voice, but then she really started speaking to me. (Excuse me while I digress) I wrote a blog a couple weeks back about talking to a friend of mine, about really being a light and witnessing to her. At the time I felt like something was going to change, but recently I have found that her actions aren't really changing so I continue to pray for her. Anywho, this woman starting talking about witnessing. She said, "If you have kept praying and praying for someone and you feel like you have done all you can and you just want to leave it alone; don't give up." She really made a point with not giving up and that was really what I needed to hear. From then on I was hanging on her every word.

After her sermon was over she said that she felt like she was being led to do something for God. She said, "If anyone has on their hearts the passion for bringing people to the Lord please come stand at the altar with me." I wasn't really wanting to go up and stand in front of the whole church because I knew I would get emotional, but I did. I walked up and my mom followed me. This woman and her husband were just walking around the group and praying for all of us. They called it "Soul searchers", I thought that was pretty neat. So this man walks by me and is praying and I hear "Lord give them the spirit to say the words that the people need to hear, let them be a light" and he touches my forehead and I break out in tears. I couldn't control it and I stood at the altar and prayed and cried and when I opened my eyes I realize that there is only one other lady standing there. All the others had gone to sit down.

My pastor, my youth pastor and the speaker all layed hands on me and prayed for me. This prayer touched my heart like no other. It was something along the lines of, "Lord this young woman standing before You has a passion for You. Give her the strength and the spirit to reach out to those around her." When they are done praying for me I go to sit down next to my momma.

Pastor Webb stands up and says that God is asking him to speak for him in this moment. He says this:
"I'm speaking to those under the age of 20 in this room. I have the answers you are looking for, I know where you will go to college and it's all planned out for you. Trust me, just trust me. I have the answers, I have guidance and oh, I have a mate for you. Trust me with all of your being, and I will lead you where you need to be."

Those words consisted of EVERYTHING I had been praying for in the past 2 weeks. Coincidence? I think not. I have been overwhelmed with where I want to go to college, I have been looking for answers from God about what I'm supposed to do with my life. And the main thing I've been praying for is an amazing Christian guy to come into my life. I'm a romantic without romance, how sad. But, he added that last part about having a mate as a side note, like it was just coming to him.

I am on fire right now, I am giving everything I am over to God. I know that He is going to lead me where I need to go. I hope that people can start to see more of Him and less of me in my life.
It will make my life if I see 2 people in my life who mean so much to me give their lives to God. I can't express how scared I am for them, how much I want to spend eternity with them, how much I want them to see what I see.
It's all in God's hands now.

Mac.

I want one right now.

The cutest thing ever.

When cute old people hold hands.
cutest.
thing.
EVAR.

Last Homecoming.

High school homecomings are now over for me. This years homecoming was actually pretty darn good.
Danced my last dance with a cute boy ;].
One of my best friends won Homecoming Queen.
Went to a bonfire afterward and stayed out till 2.
Rode in a huge party van that we named "The Rolling Turd".
Jake almost hit a deer on the way to the dance.
The Rolling Turd didn't start right after the dance so we sat around for a bit laughing about it.
I forgot to warn a friend about Pibb on a seat, and she sat on it. ( I know that's horrible, but it was hilarious).

Just do your best to hear me.

I've really been feeling like I was supposed to talk to a friend lately. A friend that has been going down a pretty rough path, and I felt that if something wasn't said something would happen. I prayed about it, and talked with another friend about it. I was feeling pretty good about it and felt it was the right thing to do. Sunday morning at church my pastor was talking about loving people. And he mentioned that we can't be scared to say something to someone. Even if it results in rejection, we still have to try.
So I bring it up last night.
It didn't go too well at first. Actually it didn't go well the whole time she was there. She said that she felt that what she was doing was okay. As soon as I heard that my heart broke for her. She felt that I was judging her, no matter how many times I told her I was doing this out of love and not of judgment.

I heard her start to cry, and I started to cry as well. We sat in silence outside for quite some time, and then she had to be home. I knew she wasn't too upset about it because she gave me a hug when she left. I sat outside for a while after she left and just thought about it. I prayed and I cried. I asked God, "Why did you even want me to do this, if all I would do is fail?".
She texted me about a half hour later and said "I'm sorry about tonight, I know you're right."

We talked for a little while, and she said that things were hard for her lately, and she knew everything I was saying to her was right.
I'm glad I said something. I'm glad I got the courage to say something to her, because what would happen if I didn't? Maybe I won't see a change right away, but I know I planted a seed. Hopefully she will soon realize that where she is going isn't where she needs to be.

Sometimes when the people we love fail is when they need us the most. It's easy to be there for someone when everything is going right and accordingly. It's not so easy to be there when everything is falling from underneath them. Be a light, don't let go. Sure, sometimes the truth does hurt, but then again it's what helps us grow.
I think I did the right thing, I think that she needed to hear it from someone. Even if she doesn't take it to heart (although she said that she did) at least I did my part. What else can I do? I have faith in her that someday she will get turned around.

That's the thing about love. Love doesn't give up. Love endures, and I hope that I made that clear to her. I know that there is something better out there for her, she just has to listen and try. I'll be there with her every step of the way.

Bonfires, Cool winds, and Colored leaves.

I absolutely love Fall. It is my favorite season of the year. Bonfires, hayrides, leaves changing, jacket weather, football games, and cute decor. Man oh man, I'm a happy kid during the fall. :]

Speaking of bonfires, I went to a friends bonfire over the weekend. The boys freaking stripped down to their boxers and ran into the pond. Believe me, I could have gone forever without seeing some of those guys in their boxers. But it was still really hilarious. As soon as they were in, they were right back out. Realizing it was a stupid idea. haha.
Oh high school, what can you do?

I stayed over at Jennifers after the bonfire so we weren't back in her house until around 1. Then, we stayed up talking until 4 in the morning (when I had to be up at 6.) I love that girl to death. I have so much fun with her. I was so worried about my senior year, because my friends who were strong in their faith were leaving school and I was worried I would stumble. Let me tell you what, God closes doors to open others. Jennifer has made me so much stronger in my faith. I'm so glad that we became closer this year.

Senior year is going pretty good, other than the foot deal. This week is homecoming week, I was never into this sort of thing before, but hey I'm a senior. Why not? I've been so full of love and passion this year and I love it. The year is starting off AHHHmazing.

Talk.

Josie and I just had a one hour conversation in her car. Our best conversations come from our vehicles parked in our driveways. No lie. Even if it's getting too hot in there, we stay until the conversation is finished.
I love it.
I love talking to her, I feel like what I say matters.
I have passion. She has passion. And when we share our passions it's like nothing is stopping us.

There is so much in store for me out there. I can't wait to find it.

:D

I got accepted to Greenville!
I already knew that last week, but I just got the letter today in the mail. I didn't know that I would be getting a spiffy certificate too! I'm a Dean's Scholar too, which means I get 6,000 off a year. That's pretty freakin' awesome. I'm getting really excited now, I can't wait for college.

I'm also reading Catcher in the Rye at the moment. Of course it's a class requirement, but I love it. I want a copy of my own. Holden is so real, and so funny. I haven't ever laughed out loud for real over a book before, and this one has me laughing all the time.
My friend Chris from camp always says, "You're a gentleman and a scholar". It's from this book, and I never knew it before.

I'm really liking my psychology class too, it's hard-work but it's so interesting. I guess it's a good thing I'm going into psychology in college, ha ha.

Today was also See You At The Pole. We had a really awesome turn out too. I think it's amazing that so many people from so many different schools across the nation got out at to pray at their schools. It makes you realize that you aren't alone in this world. There are other people who believe in something great just like you. We formed a circle and held hands and took turns praying out loud. Despite all the people who were coming into school. It's really awesome to be a witness.

I'm feeling pretty jumpy (if you couldn't tell.)

Josie's coming over, and we are going to church!
Church and Josie; two of my favorite things.
:D

I'm still carrying a little hope, that maybe, things could be different now.

Friend: lol but eh i feel a little conflicted by thinking that because i know i shouldnt have to wait around but like i dont know fuck it or something because fairy tales aren't always as pretty in real life. and i dont have much else to do. so i'll just hide my false hope under the rug or something.

Me: well of course you aren't going to have things figured out right away, and you will feel conflicted. I think it's normal. and yeah you will still have that hope that maybe things will be different, but in the end sometimes they aren't different. and then you will have waited for something that meant nothing. but really you didn't lose anything by it. it was just a season of your life, and remember "this too shall pass"

Friend: yeah so its okay to have that silly little hope deep down inside me? lol

Me: uh yes. lol

Me: i've been holding on to a lyric for a while, "I'm still carrying a little hope, that maybe, things could be different now. Is that so wrong?"

Friend: who is it?

Me: jimmy eat world.

Friend: i see. yeah. i mean i cant get around it. but i feel bad about it. eh and maybe thats love. like real love and maybe real love isnt always your soul mate or who you are supposed to be with or whatever.

ME: real love doesn't have to be with your soul mate. atleast I don't think it does.

Me: I think real love is for anyone.

Friend: well i always want to think love last forever and that makes me think you can only have one but maybe you can love more than one forever and if i cant have him the way i want him i love him regaurdless no matter how much it hurts

Me: you think so much like me sometimes.

I love my best friend. We think so much alike sometimes, it's scary.

And you know what?
Many floods cannot quench love. ( i can't remember if that is from Ecclesiastes or Song of Solomon, but it's beautiful.)

Plan.

How about I don't go to college, and drive a hippie van all around the U.S. and take pictures all day everyday?
Sounds like a pretty good plan to me.

dang.

I fractured my foot.
I have to wear a freaking boot for a month.
I'm on crutches for 2 weeks.


A;LSKDNOANCW;EKA;IJAOJKIC!

Favorite Place.

I had to write a descriptive essay for my English class on my favorite place.
I thought I'd share.

“When I look at the stars, … I feel like myself” - Switchfoot. Anytime I am looking at the stars, an overwhelming feeling of serenity and self-recognition flows through me. Although I must say, being at a place I love with my friends, while looking at the stars produce some of the most memorable moments of my life. My place, my escape, is a dock at a summer camp I work at. Being at the dock at night is my favorite place, looking at the stars there just takes me to a whole other place where everything feels right.
It’s a Sunday night, the campers are finally nestled in their sleeping bags all around camp after an evening of laughter and staff introductions. A couple of friends and I decide to take a trip down to fire bowl where the dock is. We head out on the trail through the woods and we come to a clearing. We are standing on a hill, looking down we see the stadium seating which was earlier filled with rowdy campers waiting for their camp experience to begin. Walking down the middle gravel aisle to the bottom of the hill there are two fire pits, that are still crackling and popping from the ceremony just a few hours earlier. The smoke lingering is visible in the moonlight and a blanket of fog is drawn over the lake. Finally we come to the edge of the ground, where the lake takes over, and there is the dock.
The dock is only a small square on a massive lake. Most people don't pay attention to this dock with the rest of the breath taking scene around them. Although, once you are laying on your back, face up, looking at the fire-fly filled sky, the rest of the scene escapes. The beautiful sky acts as a canvas in which a wonderful painter has placed His brush for our benefit. The only thing that catches my eye are the constellations and the stars above me, and how amazing all of it really is.
For the longest time, my friends and I don’t speak. As I’m laying on my back, the sound of the wind blowing through the trees is comforting. I’m surrounded by nature in all it’s wonder and glory with the people I love. This place is beautiful. I breathe in a waft of smoke from the smoldering fire and sigh. That is one of my favorite smells; the smell of a fire dying down. I sit up to take a look around and I can’t get away from the stars. The lake is glistening with the reflection of the stars and the moon, I feel peace within myself. My feelings of stress have subsided and I am left with this calmness.
I lay back down and then I see the random passing of a shooting star. I hear my friends, “Oh! Did you see that one??.” “Make a wish!”. I close my eyes and make my wish. I’m beginning to feel the dampness that the morning dew brings, but it doesn’t bother me. I place my arms under my head and cross my legs and smile. My friends and I laugh together, as we do almost every time after we wish on a shooting star, and it never gets old.
I think to myself, how amazing is it that this one place can make everything feel right. When the night draws to an end and we are heading back, I turn around for one last glimpse as my friends walk ahead of me. “I’ll be back tomorrow”, I whisper as I turn and walk away.

Laugh.

I've just had an amazing weekend. AHHHHHMAZING.
That's right.

Friday I went to an away football game with a group of my friends. It was about an hour drive from where I live so the ride there was pretty great, haha. The night consisted of face paint, hair spray, and so much screaming. I spilled my nachos all over my hands (that cheese was really freakin hot!), some girl tried to get in a fight with me over not knowing where the paper towels were (I must be from piasa, I don't even know where the papertowels are), I learned the game of football (I knew absolutely nothing), and to top it all off Southwestern won in overtime 28-26. See, I'm not the type of person to go to football games, or get into the high school scene I guess you could say. But man oh man, that was awesome. I had so much fun and the drive home was even more fun. We were dancing all over the place, making the car bounce, and stopped for DQ along with most of the other people who were at the game.

Last night I got to hang out with people I don't see everyday anymore because they are college kids(!). Sure, they've only been gone for 2 weeks, but that's a long time, aha. Josie and I met them at a park and we brought blankets and the plan was to look at the stars and just hang. Well instead we took a buttload of pictures. Most of them were random, and we laughed so much. Somehow I ended up with a cape (me being the superhero), and Josie was holding up my cape so I could fly (she being the sidekick).
I love my friends.


I love weekends when I can just hang out. I don't have any expectations from anyone. I'm just me, chillin with the people who mean the most.


Senior year will be awesome. I have decided.

Can't steal happiness.

I've been feeling so good lately, and I like it.

I have the best friends in the world.

I love my family.

I'm picking up the guitar more. "Music is therapy".

Photography is my passion, and I'm good at it. It's so much more than a hobby for me.

God is pulling me through. He's the only one who has never given up on me.
Without Him, none of this would make sense.


I love feeling like this. I love feeling like I am on top of the world and nothing can bring me down. I love feeling passion.

Who I Am.

As of right now I have lost 17 lbs. Of course this is since the very beginning of my "journey" back in February. Seeing as how I went through really high stress for 3 months straight this doesn't surprise me. When I get really stressed out I lose sight of my goals. I lose sight of what I want to do. During that time I didn't gain any or lose any. I was at a stand still. So then that made me even more stressed because I felt that I couldn't accomplish anything.

Well now I am back to doing this for real. I'm happy where I am at, and I feel secure with who I am. I will be honest, I went into this in February for the wrong reasons. I've grown up being "bigger" and it has always brought me down. It is really hard growing up that way, and no I'm not throwing a pity party for myself, just simply explaining. I've always struggled with my weight. Growing up in a larger family it was always difficult for me. As a kid I was picked on alot. I never thought I was beautiful in any way. I have always had a horrible self esteem issue. To tell you the truth, I hated the way I looked, I hated myself. So I decided to lose weight so OTHERS would notice me and think I was "pretty".

Writing about this is a sign to me that I am finally accepting myself. I've never openly talked about this with anyone. Girls always talk about their weight and how they look and for me I would keep quiet during those conversations. I would try to change the subject quickly so people wouldn't realize how unhappy I was.

For some reason, I have taken a step back and looked at myself. Not for just my looks either. I realized that I am more than what I look like. I am more than the numbers on the scale. Since I have realized that I have realized that I am happier. I don't feel the need to wear makeup all the time now. I can go out in public without makeup and it doesn't bother me. So now I am in this for the right reasons, to be healthier. Another thing I have always found interesting is running in the morning. I just think it's peaceful and it's a time to reflect and be yourself. So I'm going to start that up.
I'm going to document my process because I think if I write this stuff down, it will encourage me to keep moving. I won't be letting anyone down. I won't fail.

For the first time in my life, I think I'm beautiful.

Hope.

Today I went to Rock the River tour. It was a big christian concert (FREE ADMISSION!) in Stl. My favorite christian rock band was there, Red. My friend Maranda and I pushed ourselves all the way towards the front when they played. It was amazing. :). What is even more amazing were the amount of people that were there. I am constantly hearing about how our country's amount of religious people is fading, about how our nation's churches are failing, about how people's lives are going downhill. But, today I was amazed. If you have ever been to the arch you know how big the grounds are. There was a fence blocking off the width of the arch and the length of the grounds. There was hardly any free space inside the gates. Let alone outside the gates where people had lawn chairs backed all the way to the interstates going through.

Not only was there a huge attendance, but there were so many people who receive Jesus Christ into their lives tonight. Seeing thousands of christians coming together in one place to worship God is one of the greatest things I have witnessed. People of all different race, people who have hurts and struggles, people who have it made. Tonight, those things didnt matter. Tonight it was all about God. It wasn't about us. Right now I just have so much hope for the christian society. Right now I am telling you that there are still alot of people, and people still accepting Christ, out there. I belive in us.

Also, a man by the name of Kirk Franklin performed today. I havent ever heard of him before tonight. Anyway, Maranda and I had to take a sitdown and we sat down by this african american family. I tell you what, these people had the most passion I have seen in a while. During one of his songs Franklin says to grab someone's hand. This woman, whom I have never even talked to or seen in my life grabs my hand. She was so full of life and passion for God. As we are holding hands Franklin tells us to look into someones eyes and sing "Dont worry". This woman looks into my eyes, and sings from her heart. It was an amazing feeling. Afterwords Franklin says to find someone of a different race and hug them. The whole family comes to Maranda and I and hugs us and says "God bless you".
That was one of the coolest things I have experienced. I cant get over how much passion this family had.

I love having experiences like this. I love worship. I still cant get over how many people were there. Have you ever looked at someone and wondered "What's their story, how did they get to this point?" Well I was thinking about that today. Every single person in that place today experienced the love of God. Whether they realized it or not, they did. The thing is, God knew every story, every life out there and how it got up to this point.
It's amazing. It brings hope.

home.

I'm home. Finally. I don't really know how I'm feeling about that right now.

I really love camp, I love the people I work with, I love having late nights with my best friends at camp. Let me tell you, stargazing there just takes every feeling of stress, insecurity, and loneliness away. I can't even begin to explain how much it means to me to lay next to my friends and look up into the nightsky. I feel an overwhelming amount of peace and happiness. The last time I went out there with my friend Jason, I actually teared up. I realized it was coming to an end, I realized that I wasn't going to get to do this anymore.

I'm going to miss having someone do anything they can to cheer me up. I'm going to miss being around some of the most amazing, hilarious, and kindhearted people I have ever met in my life. These people have taught me so much, believe me. I went into camp 3 years ago with the hardest shell. I was really shy, and I really didn't express myself a whole lot. Coming out of my 3rd year there, I have changed so much. Thanks guys.

Although, on the other hand, I am glad to be home. I've missed my friends, and my family (for the most part, haha). I've missed hanging out with my best friend. She is probably the most amazing person I know. So in that sense I'm glad that I'm home.

I realize that camp will come again next year, and I will be back in this place, but the fact still remains that I'm here for the rest of the year. Camp is now only in my memories and it seems so distant.

For the record, I'm a ''feelings'' writer. If you haven't figured it out yet.



This week has been amazing, I have been out every night with friends and I miss that. Now i'm heading back to camp for another week.. and I'm sad to say, but I'm not really looking forward to it. Things just aren't that great at camp, and I just don't want to be there. This place, for the past 2 years, has been more than a job for me. It was a place where I could just be me and not worry. It was a place where I was free from everything back home and I was actually happy. I was with amazing people for 6 weeks straight and I loved every minute of it.

Don't get me wrong, I still have friends there, and i still love every minute that I am with them. We have an awesome time, but there is still times when things just aren't right. Things that I'm not sure if I should even try to change anymore. I know that some things are meant to be broken, and you are supposed to smile because you got the chance to experience them and yadda yadda yaddda, but what if I don't want those things to stay broken? I keep running circles in my head wondering if I should try everything I can to be his friend, or if I should just let it be.

The thing is, things aren't okay. As much as I say they are, I think that I'm only trying to fool myself. I don't want to have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of everything going on. I don't want to feel like I'm ruining anything for anyone.

So.. if you read this, (you know who you are) I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry if I've done something wrong. Please understand that all I want is to be your friend, I honestly do not have any other feelings for you than that. Your friendship means so much to me, but I can't fix it alone. I can't go on pretending any longer.

It takes alot to be selfless.

Anyone else want to throw something on the pile?

These past couple of weeks have taught me alot. I've learned how much I can handle (believe me, i've reached my limit and it keeps coming), I've learned how hard it is to let someone go when they have finally let you go, I've learned how hard it is to be selfless, and I've learned who I can put my trust in to listen.I've realized how much I still have to learn, how much I still have to live, how much I still have to experience.

Things have been piling up like crazy. It seems like once I finally get everything under control, soemthing else pops up. My breaking point has come and gone. Is there such a thing as a second breaking point? Seriously though, I can't take all of this. Letting go and realizing that someone has already let go of you is a hard concept. When I get attached to a person, it's extremely hard to let go of certain feelings. One of my best friends just had a really horrible break up and the thing that I have been trying to drill into her is "Let him go, he's already let you go". I feel like a hypocrite... I can't let go. It's dumb too, because I know I should. I keep holding onto the hope that things could be different. "You can't fix what wants to stay broken."

Then I realize that I need to be mature about things. I need to be selfless. Think of everyone else's happiness instead of my own. I'm trying so hard because I just want everyone else to be happy, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness. It's hard... but needs to be done. Tears and fears will get me nowhere.

I'm trying not to be upset. I'm trying to stay strong.

He is so amazing..

So for the past month or so, finances here were worse than they have ever been . I mean really bad, Mom was crying alot just thinking about trying to get by. It was really scary. I had been praying crazy nonstop for a financial blessing, my parents are amazing people, they deserve a break. I will admit there for a while I was always wondering "God, where are you? Why is this happening to us?" I feel guilty for that now. My parents have been praying about it nonstop as well.
We got our answer this weekend. Recently my Dad had put an application in at the Shipman Elevator to drive anhydrous tanks to farms just to bring in some extra cash. They called on Friday, asking him to start working part time for them. He started Saturday. I must say my Dad is really admirable. He's working midnights right now, and so worked Friday night at his job, got home at 8, then he went to work for the Elevator all day, and came home at 7:30 last night, and then went to work at 10:30. Then he worked all day today as well. I think he got a total of 10 hours of sleep this weekend. All just to provide for us. I love him.
Then someone randomly calls my Mom to ask to babysit for her 4 days a week. That's 80 extra dollars a week. That happened on Saturday. So in the span of 2 days both of my parents got another job, an extra source of income.

This past Wednesday I did a devotion at FCA at school, talking about how God has never abandoned us, and never will. It's really been on my heart lately and I was trying to realize it with everything going on at home.
Well this morning at Church the praise band played "Mighty to Save". In the song it says "My savior, he can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save. Yes, he's mighty to save." Then I heard God say, "Megan, I'm here. I've never left your side." I began to cry, and everything just made sense. God answered our prayers. I pieced everything together, and i just felt this overwhelming state of peace. I couldn't help it but to cry.

God really is amazing, and even when it feels like we have hit the end of the road, when we feel like we can't go through another day on our own.. God is there. He's the one person I can count on, and I love Him so much. The sermon this morning was about Unshakable faith, and I feel like I have been tested in my beliefs lately. Today I realized, I have a faith right now that is so strong it will not be shaken.

I will stand strong.

Crossing paths with my past.

If only I had left my sisters when I meant to, I wouldn't have passed him. Why bring it up again? I haven't thought about the situation in so long, heck I haven't seen him in so long. Just when i'm starting to fully get over it. Every feeling came back. So now I've got the old feelings back, and the new feelings from a totally different situation. WHY?!

I can't make sense of anything anymore.
My mind is always racing.
I can't think.
I just want to yell.

My energy; Stolen.

You know when you get that feeling when you realize a connection with something or someone? Something you find to be awesome, and really cool. You know what that feels like. It feels good. No matter how big or small it is, you get that epiphany and you like it.

Yeah, I got that feeling earlier. It was as small as someone going to the same place as I do. I find the place significant. This place is really cool. It's my friend and I's "Secret Spot". I got pretty gosh darn excited, so I decided to tell a friend. Thinking "Oh, she'll think this is really cool"! I get the response, "Megan, you really do get too excited over the smallest things, and you really put too much meaning into them." Thanks. You're a pal.

Did you ever stop and think that maybe i get excited over small things because big great things never happen to me? Maybe I like the small things. Maybe I enjoy them.
Thanks for stealing my energy.

Infinate.

These past few days have been amazing. I went to a Copeland show with my friends on Wednesday in St. Louis. AMAZING. Just as I expected it to be. Front row and everything. The drunk girls that were trying to dance with Maranda were pretty hilarious though. Creepy, but funny.


Then today Josie and I went to Elsah, Grafton, and Alton. Even though it was freaking cold outside I got some pretty good pictures. She showed me a new spot, and it was really cool. Spraypaint all over the place. Some good, some totally pointless.

We had alot of good conversations that have got me thinking alot today. Josie told me that anyone can be free, it's just their choice to let go. It made me realize that I'm really the one holding onto things, everything else has released it's grip. It's finally time for me to be free. I've been struggling to be free all this time, when really it was only myself holding me back. I guess in my mind I was afraid to be free. I was afraid of what would happen if I couldn't hide behind the walls that I had built.


This life isn't going to just stop for me to take a breather.

Oh my.

The past TWO weeks we have been talking about evolution in biology, and my biology teacher says, "I really don't understand why people get so offended by it". Well let me answer that one for you, when you've lived your whole life believing God created this world, you are getting a slap in the face when you get to biology class. Someone in my class gave the answer of, "I think it's pride, Christians do not want to admit they came from a primitive species." For me, it's not a pride issue, it's the fact that science NEVER shows both arguments to how the world came into existence.

I'm an open minded person, so i like to listen to other's beliefs. It's just that when people insult my beliefs, that's going a little too far. Last night at church we talked about Evolution as well. Which is kind of ironic, considering we're talking about that at school.

Anyways, Pastor Jeff talked about evolution as i just said, but the question, "If God created everything, then who created God?" came up. I wasn't really sure how he was going to answer that, because in all honesty i had never questioned that before. But when it was brought up, it had me thinking. Pastor Jeff said this, "I'm going to try to give my best explanation, and I can't even wrap my mind around it, so I don't expect you to. God exists outside of time, therefore he has always existed and always will." I think that's a good description, of course he went more into depth with that, but that was just the jist of the response.

In Philosophy we've talked about how time is a manmade concept, and we can never possibly step outside of that concept. Even if we got rid of clocks, calendars, age requirements, we would still have the sense of time passing. Wake up in the morning, go to sleep at night. We would still have this sense that some time has passed. It's impossible to get rid of this concept, so yes it is extremely hard to wrap your mind around the fact that God exists outside of time. Throwing in more of Philosophy, Kant says that we are born with filters- space and time. He says that we can never take off those filters. So how can we say that there isnt a whole other world out there that we cant see through our filters? Take for example, sharks. Sharks see energy, that's how they know that something is still alive. We can't see that. Snakes just see a bunch of moving lines. Every specie of animal has a different filter. So it's reasonable to say that something exists outside of our filters.

That's why faith drives Christianity. In the book sophie's world it says, "If Christianity appealed to our reasoning and our logic, it wouldn't be what it is today." Which is true, Christians don't sit and wonder at exactly what moment God created the world, what time he decided to create trees. Christianity isn't science class, it isn't cut and dry. It's full of mystery and wonder.

So I mean, I am most definitly not trying to bash anyone's beliefs on evolution, just simply stating my take on it.


p.s.
carbon dating is a load of poo.
They took a dollar bill printed in 1974, carbon dating "proved" it to be 500 years old.

I can not wait until summer.
srsly.

I'm sick of everything right now, i just want to get out of here for a while.

Everybody knows you'd break your neck to keep your chin up.

Copeland is saving me right now.
Thanks to Josie for introducing them to me.

I don't really know what to feel right now, all I know is that I feel drained, or maybe deceived? My eating habits have changed in just the past few days. I hear depression does that to you.
I'm really pathetic.


Although, tonight, i felt the most peace i have felt in a while. I went with some of the other woodwinds in band to see a woodwind quintet from the St. Louis Symphony. Classical music soothes the soul. Hearing the melodies, the harmonies, the expression of art being portrayed through music... Peace. I got lost in the music. Too bad i had to be brought back down to earth.
There was a woman sitting in the front row, and she was flailing her arms, not having a care in the world. Most of the other kids i were with thought she was the weirdest person they have ever seen... but to me it was different. That woman expressed herself in such a way that most people would have thought strange. She followed her heart.. she showed her love for this music without caring what anyone else thought. I admired her for that.

Music really does mean a lot to me. I may be a nerd for loving classical music, but seriously. Take the time to listen to it when you are stressed out. Listen for the lyrical phrases throughout a piece. Music can take away most of my stress and send me in a place where everything is all better. Everything is perfect.

"If you aren't in the prequel, then you can't be in the sequel!!"

Tonight was the best night I've had since December 23rd, 2006. And that was a pretty gosh darn good night.

Quotes of the night:


"...you're black.
Niggawhaaaa??"

"And I'll do my little dance, and it will be like doot doot doot doot do doooooo, and Verity will cry"

"No! I'll get up and roundhouse kick her"

"I'm the only one that can have nude tattoos of... Oprah."

"Well we've already done grafitti, might as well go to a club. JOHNNY VEGAS!"

"Umm, excuse me? Are you supposed to be out this late? Are you under the age of 18, because i got a call about some kids running with books."

"I can get you some free water! It's clear... and pretty much like heaven."

"I feel sorry for Candace and her parachute pants"

"I know why Megan agrees with him ;)"

"Uh Megan, I don't think you can fondle the cameras..."

"YOU GUYS ARE PANSIES, JUST BUY THE SPRAY PAINT!"

"Is this velvet?"

"Hey guys I'm really excited! Are you excited? I'm really excited."

"We have to take you to our secret spot, put on the blindfold!"

"Shutup Josie, I hate you Megan, Hey Verity"

"I'm gonna take the big stall, hahaha."

"Hey Look! Its Joe Its Joe Its Joe!!"

"Lalalalalala. Lalalalala. Lalalalalaaaalalaaalaalaaaaah. AND I SAID HEY! HEY! WHAT A WONDERFUL KIND OF DAY! WHERE WE CAN LEARN TO WALK AND PLAY! AND GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER!!!!!"

"I look like an old woman."

"UMMALEXWHATDIDYOUDOOO!!OMGMEGANISSOMAD!!!"

"*whispers* I pooped my pants."

"*GROANS* oHHH MAAAN. Lettuce makes anything taste good."

"I like redheads......"

"OMG RAPE!! JOSIE ROLL UP THE WINDOW!!

Okay, so here's what went down. We had the best night of our lives. We cried, we laughed, we pooped our pants, we even did ILLEGAL stuff. (dont tell anybody, or our parents, and especially dont tell the zombies in the cemetary..)


Me. (the...paranoid one)
Verity.(the whah baby)
Josie. (the superhero)


Joe was there, but he didn't help write this, so he doesnt get a cool name. So blah...

Philosophy.

Man today in philosophy got me thinking.. (oh how ironic)

Where do our thoughts come from? We dont conciously say to ourselves, "okay, im going to think about this or this". Our thoughts just come to us, and we dont really control them. So where do our thoughts come from then? Its so wierd because we can just be sitting somewhere focusing on one thing but all of sudden we remember something we were supposed to do the night before, or we just start thinking about things in the future. I'm pretty stumped though. I dont know where our thoughts come from. The only explanation i can come up with is that we are making ourselves think subconciously... but then where does our subconcious come from? GAH!!
Then we have totally random thoughts being connected to other trains of thoughts, and we choose to think about what we think about. Every one of of has a filter, a filter in which we choose to think about certain things, we choose to listen to certain things. The human mind just amazes me...

ugh..

Except for a select few...


Boys suck.
:(

8:23 [i just lost the game]

Primal Fear.
is awesome.
That's not just because I'm madly in love with Edward Norton either. Well that is a reason, but the movie was just awesome. Then again I'm into that sort of psychological stuff. And yes, i know I'm a noob, it was made in the 90's and I'm just now seeing it... I know i know.

Anyways, so I went to Nautilus today with my friend Josie, and we split up now to work out on our own. So I'm walking on the tredmill halfway through my mile, minding my own business, when an amazingly gorgeous guy walks up and uses the tredmill next to me. I think, oh great I'm sitting here, no make-up, hair in a ponytail. Great... So I finished a mile and walked away. My hopes of finishing 2 miles was gone, haha.
But oh man, was he a pretty one.
:].

2ND POST?!

Yep, that's right. 2posts. 1day.

I was reading over my philosophy notes a couple minutes ago, and came across some of my favorite quotes from Sophie's World.

"Life is both sad and solemn. We are let into a wonderful world, we meet one another here, greet each other - and wander together for a brief moment. Then we lose each other and disappear as suddenly and unreasonably as we arrived."

"Acting responsibly is not a matter of strengthening our reason but of deepening our feelings for the welfare of others"

"Remind yourself that you are only living a minuscule part of all nature's life. You are part of an enormous whole.
I think I see what you mean...
Can you manage to feel it as well? Can you perceive all of nature at one time - the whole universe, in fact - at a single glance?"

Just thought I would share those.
:].

I guess i could actually start using this more often...
So heregoes.

I just got back from my first "camping" trip with the crew i joined. First of all I was told it was going to be a cabin, where I would be able to relax [believe me, my week was mighty stressful]. Was it a cabin? No. So there was dissapointment number one. Second of all, I was sick... Dissapointment number two. I pretty much did nothing all weekend. I was atleast hoping for relaxtion but when you go with the boyscout troop as well... forget that idea. Oh well, I'm home now, and I can relax and be as lame as I want within my own home.

School's going alright. I have a stupid career research paper to start working on.. and 50 notecards on the information i found on that career [psychology]. But other than that, school's not going to bad for me right now. Philosophy class is freaking amazing. My brain hurts after our class discussions, but it's worth it. If you ever get the chance to read Sophie's World, read it. It's awesome.

As for now, I think i'm going to go curl up in a ball, maybe take a nap, maybe read a book. I don't know yet, but whatever i do, it will be relaxing..
hopefully.

Worth.

I've come to realization that I'm worth accomplishing my goals. Maybe that was what was always holding my back; I didn't believe it would truly be worth it.
But I know it is.

The best thing about this realization, God led me to it.
He's amazing.
:D



In other news, I honestly just remembered I had this account.. So I guess i could do a fill-in session. For myself. Haha.
I turned 17 on January 31. I don't want to grow up..
[the beatles just came on as i wrote that... "Let it be"]
I went to Chicago for my birthday, it was lots-o-fun. I got to see the person I really wanted to see.. that was enough of a birthday present for me. Man, I'm getting quite pathetic aren't I?

New Year's Resolution.

Everyone has their own New Year's Resolution.. and it's usually something like: Being more healthy, lose weight, read more, stop smoking, etc. But this year i think i want my resolution to be worth my time, and sure all of those others are great, but not for me this year.

New Years Resolution: Enjoy life. Laugh more. "Wing it". Love more than i could ever know.

Maybe this year will be the best I've had, or the worst I've had, but what i do know is that i am going to enjoy the little moments more than ever. I'm a junior this year, almost out of high school so I'm going to make the best of what I have left. I'm going to be a kid.


p.s.
I won my first game of the year at 12:01 on new years.. its gonna be a good year.
haha.
It was go- fish.