Laugh.

I've just had an amazing weekend. AHHHHHMAZING.
That's right.

Friday I went to an away football game with a group of my friends. It was about an hour drive from where I live so the ride there was pretty great, haha. The night consisted of face paint, hair spray, and so much screaming. I spilled my nachos all over my hands (that cheese was really freakin hot!), some girl tried to get in a fight with me over not knowing where the paper towels were (I must be from piasa, I don't even know where the papertowels are), I learned the game of football (I knew absolutely nothing), and to top it all off Southwestern won in overtime 28-26. See, I'm not the type of person to go to football games, or get into the high school scene I guess you could say. But man oh man, that was awesome. I had so much fun and the drive home was even more fun. We were dancing all over the place, making the car bounce, and stopped for DQ along with most of the other people who were at the game.

Last night I got to hang out with people I don't see everyday anymore because they are college kids(!). Sure, they've only been gone for 2 weeks, but that's a long time, aha. Josie and I met them at a park and we brought blankets and the plan was to look at the stars and just hang. Well instead we took a buttload of pictures. Most of them were random, and we laughed so much. Somehow I ended up with a cape (me being the superhero), and Josie was holding up my cape so I could fly (she being the sidekick).
I love my friends.


I love weekends when I can just hang out. I don't have any expectations from anyone. I'm just me, chillin with the people who mean the most.


Senior year will be awesome. I have decided.

Can't steal happiness.

I've been feeling so good lately, and I like it.

I have the best friends in the world.

I love my family.

I'm picking up the guitar more. "Music is therapy".

Photography is my passion, and I'm good at it. It's so much more than a hobby for me.

God is pulling me through. He's the only one who has never given up on me.
Without Him, none of this would make sense.


I love feeling like this. I love feeling like I am on top of the world and nothing can bring me down. I love feeling passion.

Who I Am.

As of right now I have lost 17 lbs. Of course this is since the very beginning of my "journey" back in February. Seeing as how I went through really high stress for 3 months straight this doesn't surprise me. When I get really stressed out I lose sight of my goals. I lose sight of what I want to do. During that time I didn't gain any or lose any. I was at a stand still. So then that made me even more stressed because I felt that I couldn't accomplish anything.

Well now I am back to doing this for real. I'm happy where I am at, and I feel secure with who I am. I will be honest, I went into this in February for the wrong reasons. I've grown up being "bigger" and it has always brought me down. It is really hard growing up that way, and no I'm not throwing a pity party for myself, just simply explaining. I've always struggled with my weight. Growing up in a larger family it was always difficult for me. As a kid I was picked on alot. I never thought I was beautiful in any way. I have always had a horrible self esteem issue. To tell you the truth, I hated the way I looked, I hated myself. So I decided to lose weight so OTHERS would notice me and think I was "pretty".

Writing about this is a sign to me that I am finally accepting myself. I've never openly talked about this with anyone. Girls always talk about their weight and how they look and for me I would keep quiet during those conversations. I would try to change the subject quickly so people wouldn't realize how unhappy I was.

For some reason, I have taken a step back and looked at myself. Not for just my looks either. I realized that I am more than what I look like. I am more than the numbers on the scale. Since I have realized that I have realized that I am happier. I don't feel the need to wear makeup all the time now. I can go out in public without makeup and it doesn't bother me. So now I am in this for the right reasons, to be healthier. Another thing I have always found interesting is running in the morning. I just think it's peaceful and it's a time to reflect and be yourself. So I'm going to start that up.
I'm going to document my process because I think if I write this stuff down, it will encourage me to keep moving. I won't be letting anyone down. I won't fail.

For the first time in my life, I think I'm beautiful.

Hope.

Today I went to Rock the River tour. It was a big christian concert (FREE ADMISSION!) in Stl. My favorite christian rock band was there, Red. My friend Maranda and I pushed ourselves all the way towards the front when they played. It was amazing. :). What is even more amazing were the amount of people that were there. I am constantly hearing about how our country's amount of religious people is fading, about how our nation's churches are failing, about how people's lives are going downhill. But, today I was amazed. If you have ever been to the arch you know how big the grounds are. There was a fence blocking off the width of the arch and the length of the grounds. There was hardly any free space inside the gates. Let alone outside the gates where people had lawn chairs backed all the way to the interstates going through.

Not only was there a huge attendance, but there were so many people who receive Jesus Christ into their lives tonight. Seeing thousands of christians coming together in one place to worship God is one of the greatest things I have witnessed. People of all different race, people who have hurts and struggles, people who have it made. Tonight, those things didnt matter. Tonight it was all about God. It wasn't about us. Right now I just have so much hope for the christian society. Right now I am telling you that there are still alot of people, and people still accepting Christ, out there. I belive in us.

Also, a man by the name of Kirk Franklin performed today. I havent ever heard of him before tonight. Anyway, Maranda and I had to take a sitdown and we sat down by this african american family. I tell you what, these people had the most passion I have seen in a while. During one of his songs Franklin says to grab someone's hand. This woman, whom I have never even talked to or seen in my life grabs my hand. She was so full of life and passion for God. As we are holding hands Franklin tells us to look into someones eyes and sing "Dont worry". This woman looks into my eyes, and sings from her heart. It was an amazing feeling. Afterwords Franklin says to find someone of a different race and hug them. The whole family comes to Maranda and I and hugs us and says "God bless you".
That was one of the coolest things I have experienced. I cant get over how much passion this family had.

I love having experiences like this. I love worship. I still cant get over how many people were there. Have you ever looked at someone and wondered "What's their story, how did they get to this point?" Well I was thinking about that today. Every single person in that place today experienced the love of God. Whether they realized it or not, they did. The thing is, God knew every story, every life out there and how it got up to this point.
It's amazing. It brings hope.