Just do your best to hear me.

I've really been feeling like I was supposed to talk to a friend lately. A friend that has been going down a pretty rough path, and I felt that if something wasn't said something would happen. I prayed about it, and talked with another friend about it. I was feeling pretty good about it and felt it was the right thing to do. Sunday morning at church my pastor was talking about loving people. And he mentioned that we can't be scared to say something to someone. Even if it results in rejection, we still have to try.
So I bring it up last night.
It didn't go too well at first. Actually it didn't go well the whole time she was there. She said that she felt that what she was doing was okay. As soon as I heard that my heart broke for her. She felt that I was judging her, no matter how many times I told her I was doing this out of love and not of judgment.

I heard her start to cry, and I started to cry as well. We sat in silence outside for quite some time, and then she had to be home. I knew she wasn't too upset about it because she gave me a hug when she left. I sat outside for a while after she left and just thought about it. I prayed and I cried. I asked God, "Why did you even want me to do this, if all I would do is fail?".
She texted me about a half hour later and said "I'm sorry about tonight, I know you're right."

We talked for a little while, and she said that things were hard for her lately, and she knew everything I was saying to her was right.
I'm glad I said something. I'm glad I got the courage to say something to her, because what would happen if I didn't? Maybe I won't see a change right away, but I know I planted a seed. Hopefully she will soon realize that where she is going isn't where she needs to be.

Sometimes when the people we love fail is when they need us the most. It's easy to be there for someone when everything is going right and accordingly. It's not so easy to be there when everything is falling from underneath them. Be a light, don't let go. Sure, sometimes the truth does hurt, but then again it's what helps us grow.
I think I did the right thing, I think that she needed to hear it from someone. Even if she doesn't take it to heart (although she said that she did) at least I did my part. What else can I do? I have faith in her that someday she will get turned around.

That's the thing about love. Love doesn't give up. Love endures, and I hope that I made that clear to her. I know that there is something better out there for her, she just has to listen and try. I'll be there with her every step of the way.

Bonfires, Cool winds, and Colored leaves.

I absolutely love Fall. It is my favorite season of the year. Bonfires, hayrides, leaves changing, jacket weather, football games, and cute decor. Man oh man, I'm a happy kid during the fall. :]

Speaking of bonfires, I went to a friends bonfire over the weekend. The boys freaking stripped down to their boxers and ran into the pond. Believe me, I could have gone forever without seeing some of those guys in their boxers. But it was still really hilarious. As soon as they were in, they were right back out. Realizing it was a stupid idea. haha.
Oh high school, what can you do?

I stayed over at Jennifers after the bonfire so we weren't back in her house until around 1. Then, we stayed up talking until 4 in the morning (when I had to be up at 6.) I love that girl to death. I have so much fun with her. I was so worried about my senior year, because my friends who were strong in their faith were leaving school and I was worried I would stumble. Let me tell you what, God closes doors to open others. Jennifer has made me so much stronger in my faith. I'm so glad that we became closer this year.

Senior year is going pretty good, other than the foot deal. This week is homecoming week, I was never into this sort of thing before, but hey I'm a senior. Why not? I've been so full of love and passion this year and I love it. The year is starting off AHHHmazing.

Talk.

Josie and I just had a one hour conversation in her car. Our best conversations come from our vehicles parked in our driveways. No lie. Even if it's getting too hot in there, we stay until the conversation is finished.
I love it.
I love talking to her, I feel like what I say matters.
I have passion. She has passion. And when we share our passions it's like nothing is stopping us.

There is so much in store for me out there. I can't wait to find it.

:D

I got accepted to Greenville!
I already knew that last week, but I just got the letter today in the mail. I didn't know that I would be getting a spiffy certificate too! I'm a Dean's Scholar too, which means I get 6,000 off a year. That's pretty freakin' awesome. I'm getting really excited now, I can't wait for college.

I'm also reading Catcher in the Rye at the moment. Of course it's a class requirement, but I love it. I want a copy of my own. Holden is so real, and so funny. I haven't ever laughed out loud for real over a book before, and this one has me laughing all the time.
My friend Chris from camp always says, "You're a gentleman and a scholar". It's from this book, and I never knew it before.

I'm really liking my psychology class too, it's hard-work but it's so interesting. I guess it's a good thing I'm going into psychology in college, ha ha.

Today was also See You At The Pole. We had a really awesome turn out too. I think it's amazing that so many people from so many different schools across the nation got out at to pray at their schools. It makes you realize that you aren't alone in this world. There are other people who believe in something great just like you. We formed a circle and held hands and took turns praying out loud. Despite all the people who were coming into school. It's really awesome to be a witness.

I'm feeling pretty jumpy (if you couldn't tell.)

Josie's coming over, and we are going to church!
Church and Josie; two of my favorite things.
:D

I'm still carrying a little hope, that maybe, things could be different now.

Friend: lol but eh i feel a little conflicted by thinking that because i know i shouldnt have to wait around but like i dont know fuck it or something because fairy tales aren't always as pretty in real life. and i dont have much else to do. so i'll just hide my false hope under the rug or something.

Me: well of course you aren't going to have things figured out right away, and you will feel conflicted. I think it's normal. and yeah you will still have that hope that maybe things will be different, but in the end sometimes they aren't different. and then you will have waited for something that meant nothing. but really you didn't lose anything by it. it was just a season of your life, and remember "this too shall pass"

Friend: yeah so its okay to have that silly little hope deep down inside me? lol

Me: uh yes. lol

Me: i've been holding on to a lyric for a while, "I'm still carrying a little hope, that maybe, things could be different now. Is that so wrong?"

Friend: who is it?

Me: jimmy eat world.

Friend: i see. yeah. i mean i cant get around it. but i feel bad about it. eh and maybe thats love. like real love and maybe real love isnt always your soul mate or who you are supposed to be with or whatever.

ME: real love doesn't have to be with your soul mate. atleast I don't think it does.

Me: I think real love is for anyone.

Friend: well i always want to think love last forever and that makes me think you can only have one but maybe you can love more than one forever and if i cant have him the way i want him i love him regaurdless no matter how much it hurts

Me: you think so much like me sometimes.

I love my best friend. We think so much alike sometimes, it's scary.

And you know what?
Many floods cannot quench love. ( i can't remember if that is from Ecclesiastes or Song of Solomon, but it's beautiful.)

Plan.

How about I don't go to college, and drive a hippie van all around the U.S. and take pictures all day everyday?
Sounds like a pretty good plan to me.

dang.

I fractured my foot.
I have to wear a freaking boot for a month.
I'm on crutches for 2 weeks.


A;LSKDNOANCW;EKA;IJAOJKIC!

Favorite Place.

I had to write a descriptive essay for my English class on my favorite place.
I thought I'd share.

“When I look at the stars, … I feel like myself” - Switchfoot. Anytime I am looking at the stars, an overwhelming feeling of serenity and self-recognition flows through me. Although I must say, being at a place I love with my friends, while looking at the stars produce some of the most memorable moments of my life. My place, my escape, is a dock at a summer camp I work at. Being at the dock at night is my favorite place, looking at the stars there just takes me to a whole other place where everything feels right.
It’s a Sunday night, the campers are finally nestled in their sleeping bags all around camp after an evening of laughter and staff introductions. A couple of friends and I decide to take a trip down to fire bowl where the dock is. We head out on the trail through the woods and we come to a clearing. We are standing on a hill, looking down we see the stadium seating which was earlier filled with rowdy campers waiting for their camp experience to begin. Walking down the middle gravel aisle to the bottom of the hill there are two fire pits, that are still crackling and popping from the ceremony just a few hours earlier. The smoke lingering is visible in the moonlight and a blanket of fog is drawn over the lake. Finally we come to the edge of the ground, where the lake takes over, and there is the dock.
The dock is only a small square on a massive lake. Most people don't pay attention to this dock with the rest of the breath taking scene around them. Although, once you are laying on your back, face up, looking at the fire-fly filled sky, the rest of the scene escapes. The beautiful sky acts as a canvas in which a wonderful painter has placed His brush for our benefit. The only thing that catches my eye are the constellations and the stars above me, and how amazing all of it really is.
For the longest time, my friends and I don’t speak. As I’m laying on my back, the sound of the wind blowing through the trees is comforting. I’m surrounded by nature in all it’s wonder and glory with the people I love. This place is beautiful. I breathe in a waft of smoke from the smoldering fire and sigh. That is one of my favorite smells; the smell of a fire dying down. I sit up to take a look around and I can’t get away from the stars. The lake is glistening with the reflection of the stars and the moon, I feel peace within myself. My feelings of stress have subsided and I am left with this calmness.
I lay back down and then I see the random passing of a shooting star. I hear my friends, “Oh! Did you see that one??.” “Make a wish!”. I close my eyes and make my wish. I’m beginning to feel the dampness that the morning dew brings, but it doesn’t bother me. I place my arms under my head and cross my legs and smile. My friends and I laugh together, as we do almost every time after we wish on a shooting star, and it never gets old.
I think to myself, how amazing is it that this one place can make everything feel right. When the night draws to an end and we are heading back, I turn around for one last glimpse as my friends walk ahead of me. “I’ll be back tomorrow”, I whisper as I turn and walk away.