Who I Am.

As of right now I have lost 17 lbs. Of course this is since the very beginning of my "journey" back in February. Seeing as how I went through really high stress for 3 months straight this doesn't surprise me. When I get really stressed out I lose sight of my goals. I lose sight of what I want to do. During that time I didn't gain any or lose any. I was at a stand still. So then that made me even more stressed because I felt that I couldn't accomplish anything.

Well now I am back to doing this for real. I'm happy where I am at, and I feel secure with who I am. I will be honest, I went into this in February for the wrong reasons. I've grown up being "bigger" and it has always brought me down. It is really hard growing up that way, and no I'm not throwing a pity party for myself, just simply explaining. I've always struggled with my weight. Growing up in a larger family it was always difficult for me. As a kid I was picked on alot. I never thought I was beautiful in any way. I have always had a horrible self esteem issue. To tell you the truth, I hated the way I looked, I hated myself. So I decided to lose weight so OTHERS would notice me and think I was "pretty".

Writing about this is a sign to me that I am finally accepting myself. I've never openly talked about this with anyone. Girls always talk about their weight and how they look and for me I would keep quiet during those conversations. I would try to change the subject quickly so people wouldn't realize how unhappy I was.

For some reason, I have taken a step back and looked at myself. Not for just my looks either. I realized that I am more than what I look like. I am more than the numbers on the scale. Since I have realized that I have realized that I am happier. I don't feel the need to wear makeup all the time now. I can go out in public without makeup and it doesn't bother me. So now I am in this for the right reasons, to be healthier. Another thing I have always found interesting is running in the morning. I just think it's peaceful and it's a time to reflect and be yourself. So I'm going to start that up.
I'm going to document my process because I think if I write this stuff down, it will encourage me to keep moving. I won't be letting anyone down. I won't fail.

For the first time in my life, I think I'm beautiful.